After the Funeral: Emotions to Expect
Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences one can endure. The period following the funeral can be particularly tough as the reality of the loss sets in. Understanding what to expect and knowing where to find support can help you navigate this difficult time. Here’s a guide on what to anticipate after the funeral, things to consider, and sources of support.
Immediately after a Funeral
Emotional Impact: The days following the funeral can bring a mix of emotions. You might feel relief that the funeral arrangements are over, but also a profound sense of loss and emptiness. It’s normal to experience a range of feelings, including sadness, anger, guilt, and even confusion.
Practical Tasks: There are several practical matters to attend to, such as finalising the person’s affairs, notifying organisations, and dealing with legal and financial issues. These tasks can feel overwhelming, so consider enlisting help from family members or friends.
Getting Through: Don’t expect too much of yourself during this time. Accept help from others, seek support, and take each day as it comes. Take care of the bare essentials, such as eating, self-care, and hygiene, and steer clear of using alcohol or other substances to numb the pain as this will only prolong the grieving process. If you find yourself struggling, ask a family member or friend to help you find professional support.
The Grieving Process
Grief is a universal human experience, yet it’s one of the most complex and challenging emotions to navigate. Dealing with Grief is never easy for anyone, but at Tobin Brothers, as we deal with it more often then most, we will do our best to demystify it for you.
At Tobin Brothers Funerals, we understand grief carries with it a myriad of emotions, some of which can be confusing, troublesome, and hard to manage. As such, we’ve taken care to provide an assortment of resources designed to help you cope during this trying time.
Understanding Grief: Grief is a deeply personal experience and varies from person to person. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and the process can take much longer than most people anticipate.
Physical Reactions: Grief can also manifest physically. You might experience fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, and even physical pain. It’s important to take care of your physical health during this time.
Memorialisation: Many find comfort in creating lasting tributes to their loved ones. This could be through planting a tree, creating a memory book, or holding an annual remembrance event. Personalising how you remember them can be a therapeutic part of the healing process.
Personal Time: Allow yourself time to grieve. It’s okay to take a break from social obligations and work if possible. Give yourself permission to feel and process your emotions without judgment.
Social Support: Reach out to family and friends. Talking about your feelings and sharing memories of the deceased can provide significant comfort. Don’t isolate yourself; staying connected with your support network is crucial.
Professional Help: If your grief feels too overwhelming or prolonged, consider seeking help from a professional. Grief counsellors and therapists can offer strategies to cope with your loss.
Understanding Grief
Grief is not a linear process with neat stages. In contrast it is messy, nonlinear, and deeply personal.
While the Kübler-Ross model popularised the idea of stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), it’s important to recognize that grief doesn’t follow a predetermined path.
People may experience these stages in different orders, multiple times, or not at all.
Growing around Grief
Dr Lois Tonkin’s theory of ‘Growing around Grief’ says that grief itself does not get smaller, but our lives and experiences grow, so that the space taken up by grief seems lessened.
Finding Support
Family and Friends: Your immediate circle can be an excellent source of comfort. Don’t hesitate to lean on them during this time. They can help with practical tasks and offer emotional support.
Support Groups: Joining a bereavement support group can be incredibly beneficial. Sharing your experiences with others who are going through similar situations can provide comfort and understanding. Local community centres, churches, and hospitals often run these groups.
Professional Counselling: Professional counsellors and therapists specialise in grief and loss. They can provide tailored support and coping mechanisms. Remember you can seek professional help if you’re struggling.
Online Resources: There are many online resources available, including forums, chat groups, and websites dedicated to grief support. These can be particularly useful if you prefer the anonymity or flexibility of online interaction.
Professional Organisations: Your funeral director can also provide valuable information and resources. They often have connections to local support services and can guide you in finding the right help.
Support and Resources: Visit our Support and Resources page for more information and advice for coping with grief and dealing with the loss of a loved one.
Remembering Your Loved One
Memorialisation: You may need to arrange for a plaque, monument, headstone, or other form of memorialisation for your loved one. Unlike the funeral service, which tends to come together quite quickly, it is advisable to take a little more time to consider your options for memorialisation. The memorialisation you choose is likely to be permanent, and will serve as an everlasting tribute to your loved one.
Remembrance: Not all Memorialisation has to be tied to a physical location or object. Many families choose to honour their loved ones through ongoing ritual and tradition, both religious and secular. Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, while tinged with sadness, also provide opportunity to remember loved ones. Other forms of memorialisation include awards, scholarships, donations, and digital Tributes.
Community Support: Tobin Brothers Funerals offers several community services to support families post-funeral. These include our annual remembrance services:
Christmas Remembrance Services: Held annually to bring comfort to those who have lost family members or friends.
Remembering Our Angels Services: Dedicated to families who have lost a baby or young child, providing support and a space for reflection.
Download our Guides to Grief
From taking a look at the process of bereavement itself, and how you can use the pain of grief to honour, reflect on, love and honour what was, to how to help children cope with grief, we offer some helpful tips and insight into death, the grieving process, and the variety of support services that are available to you as you navigate your loss.
Children in Grief
Another significant factor which influences our responses is our age at the time of the loss.
Children develop over a period of years in their ability to grasp concepts such as time and the permanency of death. Our brochure Children in Grief offers a concise overview of this development of understanding which will assist parents, teachers, caregivers and others who support grieving children.
Final Thoughts
The period following a funeral is challenging, but knowing what to expect and where to find support can make a significant difference. Grieve in your own time and way, seek help when you need it, and remember that you are not alone.
At Tobin Brothers Funerals, we are here to support you every step of the way.
For more information or assistance, please contact our Funeral Advice Line at 13 19 34.
Tobin Brothers Funerals
Celebrating Lives Since 1934
